Waltz of Insanity
by xXHanamizukiXx
Summary: When Elizabeth wants to hold a dance at the Phantomhive manor, Ciel can't say no. Unfortunately, the dance starts and ends in complete insanity.


"WE ARE DOING WHAT?"

"Yes, my Lord. Lady Elizabeth Middleford has requested to hold a ball at the Phantomhive manor."

"...Why is Grell and William on the list? AND UNDERTAKER? ALOIS TRANCY?"

"Just a small sign of gratitude for all they've done."

Ciel threw the guest list onto his desk in disgust.

"You've dug your own grave, Sebastian. Now fetch me a cup of tea."

"As you wish, my Lord." Silently, the huge wooden door of Ciel's study closed behind the black butler.

Ciel leaned back and snorted.

"Since when did that blonde brat and his damned butler do _ANYTHING_ for me besides licking my ear? I swear, the entire Trancy household has a tongue fetish."

Outside the room, Sebastian smiled as his crimson eyes gently gleamed.

"Oh yes, Master, I do think this will be the most interesting dance we will have in a while."

...

"OH MY _**GOD**_**!**!" Grell fell out of his chair. Over a pile of paperwork, William pushed up his glasses and proceeded to stare at Grell in distaste.

"Grell Sutcliffe, instead of rolling around on the carpet in undignified ecstasy, will you _PLEASE_ explain to me your reason for suddenly falling out of your chair?"

"THE PHANTOMHIVE INVITED **US** TO A BALL!" William's jaw uncharacteristically dropped onto his table.

The Shinigami Association's administrative building shook.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?"

...

"Oh my, oh my, what have we here?" Undertaker stared at the cream colored envelope embossed with the Phantomhive seal in black ink. "An invitation?"

Delicately, with one very long fingernail, the mortician sliced open the letter and read it out loud to a nearby corpse.

"Dear Undertaker;

The Phantomhive household invites you to join us for a night of revelry and enjoyment at the Phantomhive manor. We expect to see you there, dear guest!"

Laughter shook Undertaker's sign off his shop for the fiftieth time.

...

"A ball at the Phantomhive estate?" The young Trancy lord propped his chin on one hand and closed one eye. Claude stood there, expectant.

"I'm told it will be a magnificent dance, my Prince."

"Ugh. I don't want to see Ciel's irritating fiancee. Her stupidity makes me want to smack her. Besides, if it weren't for Ciel Phantomhive, I would order you to kill off all the guests."

"Lady Elizabeth was the one who suggested the ball, Master."

"I figured." Alois's hands made motions in the air, as if he were conducting an orchestra. "Will you dance with me, Claude?"

...

"Oh ~ A chance to dance with my delightful Sebby-chan! What should I wear? This perhaps?" Grell swooshed (there was no other way to describe it) his beautiful red hair around and pulled out of his immense closet a scarlet gown. He frowned at it. "Dear, you are just too...unrevealing!" He tossed the dress onto his bed.

"Hmm...let's see, where the hell did I put that GORGEOUS pair of fishnets? Or would that be too coarse for my refined little Sebby-chan? Ah, my ruby stilettos! Simply wondeful!"

...

William was stuck.

Not physically, but he was stuck. Stuck wondering what he should do about the invitation.

He abhorred such social events. Will was a stand-off-please-don't-touch-me person. To go to a ball and stay there for hours? He'd rather face another bloody fallen angel bent on cleansing the damn world.

But if he didn't go, that dratted demon would rub it in his face like a 5-week old gym sock.

Grumbling mentally, he chose his best suit and changed. Then he glanced at the mirror.

He looked the same as ever.

Poor William slumped in exhaustion.

It was at times like these when he slightly envied that redheaded gender-confused workmate of his, with his absolute ease to fit into the situation at hand. Although it would have taken 3000 Undertakers armed with dissection tools to make him confess that.

Plus, he really didn't envy Grell's gender-confusion, or his crush on a demon, or the fact that he wore thongs-

William banged his head on the wall repeatedly to rid himself of such disgusting thoughts.

...

"Attention!" Finnian, Maylene, and Bardroy stood straight up and looked attentively at Sebastian. "We are about to host the grandest party in all of Phantomhive history!" The butler put on his scariest face and leaned close to them. "Don't you dare mess this up..."

"YES SEBASTIAN!" The idiot trio screamed in fright and ran out into the hallway. A few seconds later, the sound of plates crashing resonated through the halls.

Sebastian sighed and pressed two fingers to the side of his head.

Damn that maid. Why did Ciel give her _glasses_? He should have given her a new brain instead.

...

"Heeheehee, this is absolutely splendid!" Undertaker was waltzing around with a particularly pretty corpse. He bowed mockingly to the deceased. "Shall we dance again, my Lady?"

The corpse's head fell off. Undertaker peered at her from behind his thick silver bangs.

"You could have just said no, my dear. "

...

Sebastian checked his gleaming silver watch. It was a quarter to seven, and the guests were beginning to arrive.

"OH MY, THIS IS SIMPLY MAGNIFICENT!" A flamboyant blonde man, dressed in immaculate white, was ranting about the loveliness of the mansion. "Like a elegant robin, you sparkle in my eyes with a thousand chandeliers, your entrancing beauty robs me of my breath! As expected of the Phantomhives!"

Ciel, who was walking down the staircase, took one look at Viscount Druitt (otherwise known as the man who tried to auction him off while Ciel was dressed as a girl) and backed up the stairs at an alarming speed. He then wheeled around and disappeared hastily.

Sebastian sweatdropped.

"SE-BAS-TIAN!" Sebastian dodged immediately as a red blur of satin and lace flew past him. The red blur landed quickly on the marble floor and dramatically whirled around, extending a black-lace gloved arm. "Dance with me under the bloodstained moon tonight, darlinnnng."

"...You certainly didn't hold back, Grell." The shinigami grinned, displaying his gleaming shark-like teeth. He rustled the skirts of his dress and battered his eyelashes.

"Do you like it, you daring butler?" The gender-confused reaper had outdone himself. Draped in a sheer dress of blindingly red lace and silk, the dress exposed a lot of Grell's back, shoulders, legs, and non-existent chest. His legs were encased in stockings that didn't leave much to the imagination. On the sides, black thread spelled out the following: "I LOVE SEBASTIAN" in curly, feminine script.

The overall result was overwhelming. Sebastian didn't know whether to burst out laughing, cry in horror, or throw up in disgust.

Instead, he decided to introduce Grell to Viscount Druitt and steered the delighted shinigami towards the blonde viscount.

"My dear Viscount, surely you have not met the Lady...Giselle Satklaff, who came all the way from France to meet _YOU_." Sebastian backed away to observe the result.

Looking back on it, that was probably the best thing he had _EVER_ done regarding that damn reaper.

The Viscount was amazed. Never, ever, had he seen such a ravishing rose before...she was his ideal woman!

"Oh my dear LADY! This is absolutely wonderful, to meet such a gorgeous bird as you! A phoenix, surrounded by the seven flames of reincarnation, dressed in sheets of ruby wine...ah, why must you be so terribly intoxicating?"

Grell blinked. This human wasn't bad. In fact, he treated him like a woman...(because the Viscount thinks you're a woman, Grelly. Duh.) Grell simpered.

"My, what a bold and accurate description, I'm sooo pleased to make your acquaintance, my dear Viscount. May I remark that you are exceptionally handsome; would you be as kind as to have a dance with me?"

"Extremely DELIGHTED to, my darling Giselle!"

Sebastian snickered in amusement.

"I wonder what will happen when they _finally_ get to the bedroom part."

...

"Where is Ciel?" Alois groaned and leaned against his butler as Claude swiveled his head around looking for the young Phantomhive.

"Probably upstairs and hiding from the events; oh look, there goes his fiancee, Master."

Elizabeth was having a hard time of it. Her best dress (the extremely girly one with shocking pink frills) was ruined due to an unfortunate incident earlier in the day with some pieces of key lime tart. Add that to the fact that she couldn't find Ciel...

The poor girl was about to have a breakdown in the ball she suggested having herself.

"Lizzy?" Elizabeth turned around, and blinked.

"Alois Trancy?" She dropped a curtsey. "Excuse me...have you seen Ciel?"

"I was just about to go looking for him. Will you accompany me, my Lady?"

...

William hated his current situation.

He looked like a banker that just came straight from work.

Well. At least he didn't look like Grell. William cast a look at his fellow shinigami passionately necking with a human viscount...and immediately wished for some sudden memory loss.

Sigh. Maybe he could try drinking his "soberness" away. He had to loosen his tie once in a while, right?

Striding over to a table with crystal glasses, he randomly selected one and downed it in one gulp.

Not bad, he thought.

Behind him, Undertaker grinned.

...

Ciel, after seeing that scary man, had dashed off to the safety of his room. In his current state, he really didn't care if Lizzie was upset about him not "having fun".

"Having fun" was impossible with a mortician who LOVED your guts and a guy who once "enjoyed" your "girlish" body around.

At least Sebastian hadn't forced him to wear that damn pink dress, buried in some obscure closet far, far away from him.

He had hated that corset.

"Oh Ciel~"

Shit. It was that Trancy boy and his butler with the tongue fetish.

...

Right now, two things were causing a huge commotion in the Phantomhive hall.

One was Grell. Enough said.

The other was William and Undertaker. After finishing the entire table of wine, the two had procured pink tutus from seemingly nowhere, and put them on.

They were now dancing frantically on top of the table.

"LALALALALA, LOOK AT ME, I'M SO PRETTY..OOH THAT RHYMES!" William giggled as he began to twirl around slowly. Undertaker grinned.

"MY HAIR ISH SO SWISHY I OMG LOVE IT, LIKE, OH-EM-GEE!" He whipped William in the face with his "swishy" hair.

"OW, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR, BITCH?"

"YOUR FACE!" Undertaker threw back his head and howled hysterically.

"THAT'S IT, IF IT'S A CATFIGHT YOU WANT, YOU GOT IT!" William screamed. "YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE A GIRL!"

"I'M THE ONE WHO HAS BEAUTIFUL GIRLY HAIR!" Undertaker shot back.

"OH YEAH? I'M THE ONE WHO HAS A **CHEST**!" Across the room, Grell gagged.

Sebastian really, really, REALLY wanted a cinematic record of this.

Grell, on the other hand, was slightly disgruntled by William's hypocrisy.

"And he said that _**I**_have gender issues! Who is he kidding?" Grell complained to an enamored Viscount, who nodded his head in complete understanding.

...

"You're serious." The three nodded.

Elizabeth, Alois, and that creepy butler wanted Ciel to play hide and seek with them.

How old was he again?

13?

And what on God's green earth was going on downstairs?

Oh wait. Grell, William, and Undertaker.

Ciel really didn't want to know.

...

_Slap._

"YOU SHAMELESS HARLOT! YOU LOVE DOING IT SO MUCH YOU DO IT WITH DEAD PEOPLE!" William shrieked and threw himself at Undertaker, toppling them off the table. They soon turned into a mess of flailing limbs and hair.

Sebastian was having the time of his very long life.

"TAKE THAT BACK, YOU WHORE! YOU DO IT WITH ACCOUNTANTS!"

"AT LEAST THEY AREN'T DEAD PEOPLE!"

"DEAD PEOPLE FEEL GOOD!"

"You..._**SICKEN **_me." A gasp went around the room. Sebastian stuffed his entire hand into his mouth to prevent himself from exploding with laughter.

Meanwhile, Grell and the Viscount had finally dropped the pretense of "politeness" and were now quietly retreating to an empty room in the Phantomhive manor.

...

"Fifty...fifty-one...fifty-two..." Alois cheerfully exclaimed.

Ciel rustled uncomfortably. Next to him, the creepy butler smiled.

He was in a closet. The irony was enough to kill off ten thousand William units in pink tutus.

Yes, Ciel Phantomhive was in a closet. With Claude Faustus.

_Lick._

"HOLY SHIT!" Ciel screeched. He turned to Claude, his eyes wide and scared. "What the hell was that?"

"It must have been a monster inside the closet, my Lord." Claude's eyes glowed red.

...

The catfight had degraded to a stripping contest. The guests were fleeing the scene to spare their eyes.

"Oh YEAH! I TOLD you I had a chest!" William thrust out his non-existent pride for the entire world to see.

Undertaker glared at him. And then dropped his pants right in front of William's face.

"OH MY HOLY GRELL IS STRAIGHT!" Will exclaimed, and fainted, falling forward. Face first into a VERY awkward position.

Sebastian was bending over from laughter.

"THIS IS PRICELESS, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

...

"Giselle...you..." The viscount stared down at Grell's magnificence.

"Oh my love, don't reject me for who I am...please." The viscount teared up.

"I won't think of leaving your side, my dear!" He flung himself on top of the redhead, and the two began to do very naughty things that good kids should never do.

...

_Lick._

"Claude...I really don't think there's a monster in here..." Ciel was trembling. The spidery butler grinned.

"Oh Maaster...you may be right about that. _I want to greedily devour you to the end_..."

A high-pitched scream emanated from the closet.

...

Sebastian heaved himself upright. The place was a mess...but what he had witnessed...

William and Undertaker were lying in the debris, still muttering.

"I'm..still...a better girl...than you..."

"No way...in hell..."

Sebastian grinned.

...

Alois and Elizabeth stared at the closet door.

"Ladies go first." Alois looked at her.

"No, you go first."

"How about we open it at the same time?" Their hands grasped the doorknob.

Claude and Ciel, in various states of undress, tumbled out.

"CIEL? What were you doing?" Elizabeth covered her mouth with her hands. Ciel looked up at her, and then at Claude.

"There was a monster, but it just came out of the closet."


End file.
